She Gets Around
by BadWolfWhoWaited
Summary: Slightly crack-y silliness in which the Knights get drunk in an attempt to stop Gwaine's nick-naming and Arthur learns some disturbing news... Drunk Knights, what more could you ask for? Dedicated to the eternally awesome WhiteFires, as promised, who came up with the prompt. Part of my Gwen Verse, and while you don't NEED to read Gwaine and Gwen for this, make my day and do anyway.


**A (very poor) bit of humour for WhiteFires. As promised, here is your oneshot! XD Hey There White Fires here's to you, this one's for you XD  
Go Hey There Delilah, AWESOME song!**

**I own nothing. I wish I owned Gwaine...a girl can dream though, right? I might even be meeting him at SupaNova, so maybe I can ask for ownership then...**.

**She Gets Around.**

Gwaine had, in his first three months as a Knight of Camelot, decided that giving everyone in the castle a nickname would make life much more interesting.

At first, it had gone rather well. Gwaine was a witty and entertaining man, and his nicknames were often amusing and clever.

By the time he started to nickname the Knights, however, his creativity had seemingly disappeared completely.

In fact, after thinking up Sir Lions Mane (Sir Leon was secretly pleased at the comparison) Sir Mope-A-Lot (Lancelot, unsurpsingly, did not find that nickname amusing), Prince Arthur's numerous nicknames (Ranging from Princess to Prince Ass) Gentle Giant (Or, more commonly, Percy-boy) and Ellie (Elyan was obviously not very happy with this nickname), Gwaine could not think of anything for Merlin.

Or, at least, that's what the Knights thought. In reality, what had happened was that Merlin traded his nick-naming expertise (used so commonly to insult Arthur), a promise of three rounds of ale, two candles and a single boot to extract a promise from Gwaine that he wouldn't be nicknamed.

But that is not that important.

Back to the nicknaming.

Gwaine, unsurpsingly, was quite popular among the female population of camelot, who started to become quite distressed when they noticed that no, they weren't so special, and Gwaine had given nicknames to everyone BUT Prince Arthur's serving boy.

They all had pet names, but he didn't. Did that mean...HE was special?  
The third time that Arthur found Merlin surrounded by women demanding to know what was happening between him and Gwaine, he dedicded that enough was enough, and that Gwaine's nicknames had to go.

He decreed, in court, that no nickname thought up by Gwaine should be used in public.

Of course, that didn't stop Gwaine from using the nicknames he had given to the Knights.

This may seem like trivial information, but I promise you it becomes relevant very soon.

The Knights (well, most of them), desperate to stop being referred to by the embarrassing and (in their opinion) ill-fitting nicknames, acted purely out of desperation.

They decided they had to get Gwaine drunk-drunk enough that he would agree to anything, from taking extra patrols to giving up the nicknames.

Well, ok, the plan was in it's early stages.

In fact, it wasn't so much a plan as it was a very BAD idea,but it was all they had come up with because, frankly, the Knights themselves weren't really all that bright and it had taken them the better part of a week to think up of that plan anyway.

So Merlin, Ellie, Percy-boy, Prince Ass, Sir Lion's Mane and Sir Mope-a-lot marched their drunken friend down to the Rising Sun to get him completely and utterly rip-roaring drunk.

In the process of inebriating their friend, the Knights and their Prince managed to get more than a little tipsy themselves after a few tankards.  
Merlin (being the lightweight that he is) managed to get completely smashed after two tankards, and was leaning heavily on Gwaine and giggling as his friend whispered in his ear.

Apparently, there was something extremely amusing about Leon's hair.

Leon touched his majestic, lion-esque locks self-conciously as Gwaine slurred intelligibly and Merlin snorted, burying his face into his friend's neck, his shoulders shaking with laughter.

It was then Leon wondered if maybe, just MAYBE, Gwaine's nickname wasn't as flattering as he'd thought it was.

Arthur (surprisingly the most sober of the lot, and very proud of it) cleared his throat and nodded to his friends, all of them in varying stages of drunkeness.

To Arthurt's right, Leon was a little bit fuzzy, his advanced age (well, advanced compared to his companions) and experience rendering the effect of the Rising Sun's watered-down, piss-poor excuse for ale completely useless.

Elyan, who sat next to Leon, was a little tipsy in a very interesting way. It seemed the usually stoic, tough Knight was a little bit 'clingy' when tispy, and he had looped his arm through Leon's elbow and was smiling happily, not fully aware that ocassionally he'd turn and stare at Leon's hair in wonderment (there was much conflict over Leons hair, some, like Gwaine, thinking it ridiculous, while others like Elyan thought it majestic. Leon's hair had almost taken on a life of it's own to the inhabitants of Camelot).

Percival, sitting in between Lancelot and Arthur was still quiet, as he always was, but he was giggling and grinning and every now and then he'd break briefly into the verse of a bawdy song. Seeing as he only knew the one bawdy song, and the one verse and chorus of it, he'd stop after a while, look puzzled, and return to his giggling and smiling.

Lancelot was living up to his nickname, brooding darkly as he sat next to Merlin, tears welling up in his eyes as a minstrel sang of lost love.

It was a little pathetic actually.

Then there was Gwaine and Merlin, who had to lean on each other or else one of them would fall over.

Gwaine, you would think, would actually have a better tolerance to the weak ale, but it seemed he had drunk a cask of Camelot's finest ale before leaving with his friends, and the four tankards he'd had since his arrival had not helped matters.

The knights (sans Lancelot, who was crying silent tears and staring into his tankard mournfully) saw Arthur's cue and prepared themselves for the talk.

"Gwaine" Arthur said in his best 'I-am-the-prince-of-Camelot' voice.  
"I need to talk to you" Gwaine snickered.  
"S'ms l'ke your alr'dy talking t'me Princ'ss" He slurred.

Merlin found this unreasonably funny, and laughed so hard he managed to shock Lancelot out of his stupor.

"It's about the nicknames" Gwaine looked puzzled.

"Wha' nickn'mes?" He asked. Arthur sighed and rubbed his temples, his 'I-really-want-to-strangle-you' look on his face.

"The ones I outlawed last week, the ones that you are continuing to use on my Knights. THOSE nicknames" Comprehension dawned slowly on Gwaine's face.

"Oh...r'ght. Wh'ts t'matter? Dont'cha l'ke 'em?" Gwaine giggled. Arthur sighed.

Reasoning with a drunk Gwaine was a tiresome task-Merlin was the only one who could properly deal with him, and he was twice as drunk as Gwaine himself.

Arthur sighed and waved over the barmaid-screw not getting drunk, he couldn't deal with Gwaine while sober.

Actually, he couldn't deal with Gwaine anytime, but when he was drunk he could at least blame strangling the man on the alcohol.

"Gwaine, when you- "  
"Gwen?" Lancelot looked up, a hopeful smile on his face. Arthur rolled his eyes.

You'd have to be blind not to notice Lancelot's infatuation with Guinevere, but, thankfully, the man had never acted on his infatuation, he was just too damn noble.

"Where is my lady? Where is my love? Oh, she whose eyes do shine like two stars, whose lips are soft and-"

Lips?  
Arthur's exasperation turned to anger.  
"How would you know whether Guinevere's lips were soft or not Lancelot?" Arthur asked dangerously.

Lancelot did not seem to notice his Prince's ire (He was too busy raising his eyes heavenward and spewing out horribly poetic descriptions of 'His Lady') or even that the Prince had spoken.

Percival giggled, Leon pondered his hair, Elyan stared at Leon's hair, and Gwaine and Merlin flailed as Merlin fell into Gwaine's lap.

Face first.

"Lancelot. I am your Prince and I am ORDERING you to tell me what contact you've had with Guinevere's lips!" Arthur snapped.

Lancelot, once more, did not notice.

Arthur nearly tore his hair out in frustration when Percival giggled and spoke for the first time since before the drinking began.  
"Lancelot and Gwen have had a lot of 'contact' with their lips if you know what I mean" not only did Percival leer, LEER, as he spoke, but he finished it off with a seedy wink.

Arthur shivered at the disturbing sight.  
"Is this true Lancelot?" He asked.

Lancelot, again, did not answer.  
"I k'ssed a Gwen once" Gwaine slurred, a dreamy smile on his face.

Arthur was so annoyed he didn't here the 'a' in Gwaine's sentence and assumed the Knight was talking about HIS Gwen.

"And I k'ssed y'r Gwen, on t'cheek" Gwaine mused.

Arthur didn't hear the second sentence, only the first.

"I suppose you've kissed Gwen too?" Arthur asked, turning on Leon.  
Leon, unfortunately, was not thinking clearly and shrugged.

"Once, a few years ago. It was Yuletide and-"  
"I don't want to know" Arthur groaned, rubbing his forehad, the anger building.  
"Is there anyone, ANYONE sitting at this table who hasn't kissed the woman I love?" He roared.

"I k'ssed Gwen" Merlin slurred. The manservant paused. "Well...r'ther...she k'ssed me..." Arthur yelled in frustration, slamming his hands down on the table.

No one really noticed, not the Knights, or even the other patrons-they'd had their fare share of crazies in the Rising Sun over the years, the fact that the crazies were Knights of Camelot made no difference to them.

"Right. That's it" Arthur picked up his tankard and swallowed it in one go, before waving the barmaid over again.  
"I need a drink. Or three. Make it three" The Prince muttered.

He'd have a talk with Gwen tomorrow.

Percival looked puzzled, not the 'I-can't-remember-the-song' puzzled, but a different puzzled.

"Wh't's wr'ng m'te?" Gwaine's words stumbled out of his mouth unelegantly, spilling out in a way that meant it was hard to understand what he was saying.

Percival looked at his friend, ignoring the fact that Merlin was sprawled on his lap and jabbering about Gwaine's pretty hair, and asked hopefully, plaintively;

"D'you think Gwen'd kiss me too?"  
Gwaine shrugged and took another swig of ale.

"Dunno m'te...y'sh'ld ask though...s'ms l'ke she g'ts around"

* * *

**So yeah! There it is. I think this will be part of what I'm going to call my 'Gwen Verse', which involves fics set in the universe of 'Gwaine and Gwen' (Please check out that story, reviews tell me it's decent XD) **

**So yeah, review for a night out with the Knights! XD**

**GWAINES DRUNK SPEAK**

**'Seem's like you're already talking to me Princess**

**What nicknames?**  
**Oh, right. What's the matter? Don't you like them?**

**I kissed a Gwen once.**

**And I kissed your Gwen on the cheek.**

**What's wrong Mate?**

**Dunno Mate, you should ask though. Seems like she get's around.**


End file.
